nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
