since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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