i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize