Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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