Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
