i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm really busy with my period
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