So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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