I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
