I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
