Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
