I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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