ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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