They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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