Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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