he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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