1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
