Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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