I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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