Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
