Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
