Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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