i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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