A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
