He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
