i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
