I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
