you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
