WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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