forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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