How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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