Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
