Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
