This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize