I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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