bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
