I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize