one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
