Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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