I accidentally had phone sex last night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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