is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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