I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
