hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
