I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
