He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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