It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
