im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She even gives head with a lisp.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
