Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
