Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
