Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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