I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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