I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize