out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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