hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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