Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
