come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
