My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize