ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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