when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
