i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night