I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.