Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman