you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.