alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.