Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
