Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
