I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
