yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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